The man behind the Stan Madeley phenomena (‘touched with comic genius’, The Sunday Times), Smooch Papandreas was born in England in a decade much vaunted for its bells, whistles, and strapless young wenches with a taste for tassled britches with floral bottoms. It was a decade when men playing the flute could become rock gods and nobody had ever thought of shaving their armpits.

Gifted with voluminous spite and a dreadful attitude that was much remarked upon in school, Smooch entered into a number of jobs requiring interaction with the general public. After many scrapes and adventures, he quit his work to move into full-time animal husbandry with a speciality in reptiles.

For a while he enjoyed great success and he supplied puff adders to the film industry. However, by 1983, his ambitions were no longer in tune with the times. His school for exotic rodeo collapsed when he was refused both export and import licenses for Galapagos tortoises. He moved, instead, into personal protection and worked as a body guard to some of the UK’s most famous names including Russell Harty, Larry Grayson, and the legendary erotic mime, Ms. Dusty Barrows (48DD).

In 1999, he retired from the business and opened his own curry house in the East End of London, where he also indulged his lifelong passion for wrestling. Standing seven feet two inches tall and built like an outdoor latrine, he has channelled his hostility and hair-trigger temper into learning a variety of full contact martial arts.

When he’s not writing craftily witty replies to letters from Manchester United fans, he composes sonnets and draws. He wrote his collection of spoof letters ‘Second-Class Male‘ (as Stan Madeley) in 2009-10, followed by ‘Prince Harry’s Fieldguide to Surviving The Royal Wedding‘ (as ‘The Red Tuft’) in 2011. He finally produced his much anticipated ’101 Reasons Not To Support Manchester United’ in 2011, though sadly, he could never get it to rhyme.

Smooch Facts

His favourite reptiles are alligators.

He once snorkelled all the way across the English Channel, during which stunt he was nearly sucked into the fans of a hovercraft.

He attributes his new found calm to his complete curry diet and intends to write a book about his experiences between his regular visits to the bathroom.

He shaves his head thrice weekly, a habit he developed during his short spell as a Buddhist monk.

He has never visited Iceland.